IN THIS ISSUE ...

1 - THE EDITOR WRITES - Latest news and information in brief

2 - CHARITABLE SUGGS - "Suggs, lead singer with the band Madness,
    whose real name is Graham McPherson, will have Soho legend Gaston
    Berlemont turning in his grave later this month.

3 - CARDENS SNIPPETS - Time now for me pass you over to the editor of
    `Madness Unsugged`, Vince Foley, for a few snippets he's lovingly
     compiled for us...

4 - MORE MADNESS RINGTONES - Nutty Bex makes a welcome return to the
    Bulletin with some information that may be of interest to
    potential mobile phone buyers.

5 - CRISPS DON'T MELT, THEY CRUNCH! - A review of Saturday's Crunch
    day detailing some of the events leading up to, during and after
    the show.

6 - NAIL DOWN THE DAYS - Thanks and closing words.

[1] - THE EDITOR WRITES

Hello and welcome to a slightly later edition of the weekly MIS
Bulletin.

Many apologies for the delay in getting this issue out across the
broad expanse of the internet, but like a large number of people in
the online Madness community, I have spent the last few hours
travelling home after witnessing what can only be described as a
bloody superb (Crunch) gig.

Obviously, many of you were unable to go, so I am rummaging as fast
as I can through all the emails that have piled up in my mailbox
over the course of the past couple of days.

One thing that is sadly missing from this issue is a review of the
latest edition of that jewel amongst Mad-zines, `Madness Unsugged`.
You can point the blame fairly and squarely at me for this one as
the editor himself, Vince Carden brought my issue (along with a
whole pile to give out) to the Crunch meet, but fearing that the
`zine would be a crumpled mess, I decided to ask Vince to hold on
to it with the idea I would pick it up later. Unfortunately I didn't
manage to meet up with Vince after the show, so the review will have
to wait until either Vince posts me my copy or someone else does a
review.

Fancy letting One Step Behind know what you thought of one of their
gigs? Well now's your chance. After some faffing around over the
internet, I've finally managed to create a guestbook for the official
website at http://www.jabba.demon.co.uk/osb/
All it needs now is some feedback on there. The band are eager to
know what you think of their shows, and would appreciated it if you
would spend a few minutes uploading a few words.

I've been in a bit of a rush the last couple of days, so you'll have
to let me off for not typing this up, but Friday's edition of The
Daily Star featured an article about Boxman, the website that failed
to float earlier in the year, and more recently, went into
liquidation. One of the main backers of the Boxman start-up was none
other than the loveable Suggs, who, the newspaper reports, lost
around £600,000 when the company was forced to close. Looks like we
may be seeing a few more ads featuring Suggs over the coming months
in an effort to rake back some of the pennies.

On a slightly jollier note, the Total Madness Mailing List's very
own `7` reports that yesterday saw the first show of the new series
of that classic Channel Five TV show - Night Fever. Fans of the show
will almost certainly want to catch the halloween-influenced episode
of the programme appearing later in the month, entitled `Fright
Fever`. One not to be missed!

Some news for fans of Cathal Smyth's new band, The Velvet Ghost
now. You'll be wanting to point your browsers over to Bob Timm's
`Ska.About.Com` site: http://ska.about.com/library/2000/aa101100a.htm
where you can learn all about "The Velvet Ghost - Chas Smash and Life
Beyond Madness". Chas Smash speaks about his new band, The Velvet
Ghost. Article features audio clips of exclusive samples from Chas.
Many thanks to Bob for the info.

Just before we get underway with this weeks MIS, Adam Fowler of the
TMML reports that;

     "My mate was watching 'celebrity' on Channel 5
      (a very general gossip show about nothing in
      particular) and they were having a mooch
      around Nasty Nick's House (from Big Brother -
      for our foreign friends).  They went through
      his CD collection and asked him what his
      favourite of all time was, and he said it was
      'One Step Beyond'!  That was all apparently.
      So there you go."

And finally, how would you like to share a pint or two with none
other than the legendary Suggs? Well, now could be your chance as
Suggs will be pulling pints for a fund raising event for the NSPCC
on October 26th in a pub called The French in Soho, London.

If anyone manages to get along, please let us know what went on.

Anyway, enough of that, lets get on with the articles.

Enjoy the read,

Robert Hazelby (MIS Online Editor)

[2] - CHARITABLE SUGGS

Taken from Nigel Dempster's column in last Sunday's Mail on Sunday
newspaper:

No Half Measures When Suggs Comes To Party

"Suggs, lead singer with the band Madness, whose real name is Graham
McPherson, will have Soho legend Gaston Berlemont turning in his
grave later this month.

Gallic Gaston, who for decades presided over The French pub in the
saucy square mile, insisted on serving beer only in half-pint glasses
to keep riff-raff and drunkenness at bay.  But as part of a
fund-raiser for the NSPCC on October 26, Suggs is to pull the first
pint ever at The French, although alarmed regulars are assured:
'It'll be pints for one day only.' Father Michael Seed, secretary to
the RC Archbishop of Westminster, has even agreed to bless the
enterprise.

It promises to be a lively do.  The last time Suggs attended a
charity bash - an auction at Walthamstow dog track - he had
such a good time he awoke the next day to find he'd bought a
£2,500 greyhound!"

Many thanks to Chris Byrne for the typing.
http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~cjbyrne/MadNet/

[3] - CARDENS SNIPPETS

Time now for me pass you over to the editor of `Madness Unsugged`,
Vince Foley, for a few snippets he's lovingly compiled for us...

 - The original version of "If I didn't care" from the 1930's is
   the tune to a Vaseline TV advert in Ireland at the moment!!!

 - I don't know how the boy does it but subscribers to George
   Marshall's Pulped magazine can buy "Wonderful" for £9. Not
   that it's really relevant to us.....

 - "It Must be Love" is being used as an advert on MTV for a
    new love CD on which it appears entitled "L'amour".

 - I find it funny that VH1 are using "One Step Beyond" as part
   of their 80's adverts. Are we not a year out of date, boys?

 - Finally, the night after Brixton quite a few of us ended up
   somehow, in a private party for three members of Blur in Kentish
   Town. A lot of us came to the conclusion that Graham Coxon the
   guitarist was an ignorant twat. Well, I also read recently that
   he was thrown out of the famous Stringfellows nightclub because
   Peter Stringfellow reckoned he was a right obnoxious young man.
   Hey-hey, proof that we maddies aren't paranoid.

For more words of wisdom from Vince, pick up a subscription to the
`Madness Unsugged` fanzine by dropping him a mail at:
dripfedvin at yahoo.com

Many thanks to Vince for the morsels of news.

[4] - MORE MADNESS RINGTONES

Greetings fellow nutsters,

Popped into Carphone Warehouse with a view to change my phone, and
I picked up a leaflet on the ringtones available for purchase for
Nokia  phones.

In stark contrast to this time last year when there were a measly
250 tones and only one of those being a Madness tune, there are now
over 750 available and 5, count 'em, 5 are Madness tunes. So rejoice
all you maddies with compatible phones as you can now have:

Baggy Trousers

Driving in My Car

Night Boat to Cairo

One Step Beyond and...

Wings of a Dove!!

Gee...what a choice!!

Respect

Nutty Bex (nutty_bex at hotmail.com)

[5] - CRISPS DON'T MELT, THEY CRUNCH!

For me, yesterday was something I had been looking forward to since
details of the Crunch gig were announced some weeks back. Not only
would I have the chance to finally listen to Lee and Chris Live in a
none Madness form, but it would also mean a day of beer and Madness
related chat in the company of lots of like-minded people.

So, with that in mind my coach and accommodation arrangements were
quickly made and all that was left to do was wait for the weeks to
go by.

Leaving a rainy Bristol yesterday morning it looked as though my
beer-tinged day would be rather a damp one. Thankfully, by the time
I arrived in London the rain was nowhere to be seen. Meeting up with
Suggsylia we quickly dumped my stuff back at her place. TMML
subscriber, Matt Hall was originally planning to meet up and dump
his stuff there as well, but as with all plans, something went
slightly amiss and we'd now be meeting up with him later on in the
DC.

On the subject of the DC, that was the next port of call. A short
bus-ride and a wander later and we wandered into Camden's most
famous pub to be greeted with a `ROB!` from a beaming Vince Carden
who had already been there for about an hour and a half. A number
of other people were also knocking back the drinks with Vince, but
the only person I could recall was Mr.G who immediately thanked me
for taking the piss out of him for the post Ian Dury gig party that
he missed.  At this point Mr. G turned to Vince who he pointed out to
was a woman as he was on the `Bacardi Breezers`. Obviously still
feeling a little delicate from the night in the DC before Vince
mumbled something but left it at that.

By 2pm my stomach was feeling a tad on the empty side. I'd been
feeling bunged up for the past day or so and had taken some Lemsip
and Paracetamol to get rid of the headache and the blocked nose.
Whilst this did seem in part to be working, the empty stomach and
booze did tend to make it go to my head rather quickly. One of Mr G's
mates (who's name I can't remember) also had the munchies. He
recommended a great paste restaurant in Camden and said that I had
to try it. Well, why not? So, Mr.G's mate, Suggsylia and myself
went to get some food, and boy, it was good!

As we were finishing up, Suggsylia's phone burst into action with
the full one-bit glory of `Our House`. Matt Hall had finally made it
down to Camden and had parked the car. He was down by the underground
awaiting further directions. At this point we split up. Suggylia
wandered off to pick up Matt, Mr.G's mate went off to the cashpoint,
whilst I (having different priorities) went back to the DC for more
beer.

By the time I made it back to the pub it was a bustling place indeed.
Bex and her friends who had arrived about 20 minutes before I
originally left for lunch had made themselves comfortable at one of
the tables. Bex informed me that there were some people I should
meet, so grabbing a pint (of course!) I wandered over to be
introduced to people I had already met back at the Ian Dury gig.

At this point someone pointed out that the entrance to the back
room stage had moved. If you've not been in the DC since the Ian
Dury day you will be in for one heck of a shock. The place finally
looks like a normal pub and is clean! What's more, you can sit on
the seats without fear if catching something, and if that wasn't
enough, the toilets can now be used without having to worry what
alien life forms are making their homes there. Oh, a word to the
male drinker. It's probably worth checking out the gents the
first time whilst you're sober as it's now doubled in size, has
a completely different layout, and to top it off, a dirty great
step!

Sorry, back to the plot...

The next arrivals were Chris Mountain, Suggsylia and Matt Hall, who
had been located hanging around suspiciously outside the tube station.
At this point things got a little hectic as I was busy looking
through 2 or 3 Madness photo albums and wasn't able to keep track of
who was coming or going. The legendary Scatty arrived with a whole
group of people, but my memory fails me here.

A few pints later and time was marching on. It was about 3:45 and the
move over to the famous Cock Tavern in Highbury was fast approaching.
Matt, Suggsylia and myself decided now would be a good time to drop
Matts car off at Suggsylias so we wandered off to Camdens underground
car park, picked up the car, and with a bit of guesswork from
Suggsylia who pretended to read the A-Z we finally made it back to
her place. A quick dumping of Matt's stuff and we were off to the
Cock Tavern in Highbury.

Whoever decided that the Cock Tavern was a good place to meet was
certainly right as the gap of not drinking from leaving the DC to
getting to the next pub was dramatically reduced because almost as
soon as you got out of Highbury tube station you were straight
into the next pub as it was so close. Not a bad little place. I think
it was another one of those darned theme pubs. Can't stand the places
myself, but the beer was fairly good so we'll let it pass for this
once.

The Maddies we left at the DC had safely made it over to the new
pub in one piece, but they seemed to have multiplied as a fair few
new additions were also there, including the legendary Swanny who
was trying his best to spend a bit of time with everyone - not an
easy task considering how many people were there!

At this point I bumped into a certain Graham Hewson. He was on the
hunt for sticks of chalk! Not beer? He already had one of those, so
he'd moved onto the chalk. Graham was quick to fill-us in on the
reason for his quest of compressed hillside materials. In a bizarre
but novel twist the ladies and gents both had black boards where you
were invited to scrawl your comments on. The only problem was - no
chalk!! One of the girls rushed off into the ladies, but as with the
gents, no chalk could be located. At this point we all gave up and
went back to the booze.

A drink or two later and I finally managed to have a quick chat with
Swanny who passed on estimates for what time the two supports and
Crunch were onstage. Putting this obtained information to good use
Suggsylia, Simon Roberts, Matt Hall and myself wandered off in search
of a good chippy. By the time we'd finally tracked down somewhere,
had a bite to eat, it was about 8:15pm. Figuring that the party we'd
left in the pub would now be in the venue we made our way there only
to find out that they were all still in the pub. Still not to worry,
we managed to get somewhere decent to sit and quickly made ourselves
comfortable.

Eventually the crowds started to trickle in and with it were the
Mads we'd left behind in the pub. Not only that, but Woody and Lee
were circulating with the punters, chatting and signing things,
whilst it was also great to see some pillars of the Madness
community, namely Chris Carter-Pegg and the long lost Stuart Wright
of Nut Inc fame.

The two support bands came and went, when it was time for Crunch to
make an appearance. As with all gigs, the crowd on the dancefloor
suddenly grew in size as the initial notes of the first track broke
out around the club.

I'm unable to list what tracks were played that evening as I have to
say that my knowledge of Crunch is sadly limited. You'll be needing
someone like Mr. Lee Swandale for that job as I am reliably told that
a number of the tracks aired that night have not been released...yet!

The crowd were unlike any I have ever witnessed. Instead of the
usual violent brick shit-houses you normally come across at Madness
gigs, this was different. The atmosphere was friendly, and for the
first that I've ever seen, people were swapping round at the front
so that others could get a better view! Excellent stuff!

As you'll no doubt know, Madness gigs are what one can describe as
`very visual` with a fair bit of crowd participation required. I'm
sure that in the early days of Madness getting the crowd to take
part was so much easier, but in the days of nationwide tours and
national fame the band have a dirty great fence and about 10
security guards wandering round at the front. Not so here. All that
was separating you from the band was a small railing put there to
make it a little harder for people to get onstage without pulling
themselves up. Couple this with a really compact stage and it was
almost like they were playing at your old school! Things don't end
there though. At one point a certain Thommo started faffing about
with a pair of handcuffs and spotting a certain young female in the
audience (who shall remain nameless) dragged her onstage and
handcuffed himself to her. At this point from the crowd there
was a big cheer as Lee and his new attachment wandered off the stage.

Whilst all this was going on the whole escapade was caught on video
as an amateur cameraman got it all on tape. Not wanting to be left
out old Chrissy-boy started strumming his guitar as close to the
camera as possible. The girl which Lee had `borrowed` was then
returned back to the front of the stage and gently lowered back into
the crowd.

Deciding it was time for a ciggy, Chris pops a cigarette into his
mouth. Only one problem - no light. In steps an ever-helpful (now
correct me if I'm wrong here!) Scatty who starts waving an ignited
cigarette lighter around in an effort to get Chris' attention. The
waving pays off and Chris bends down to the front of the stage and
lights up. By this point most people had drunk far too much, so yet
another booze-induced cheer went up.

The tracks quickly whizzed by, and it didn't seem like long before
the band were thanking everyone for coming, and making their way
off-stage. In reality, they'd been on for about an hour and had
given it their all throughout. No need to panic though. In true
Madness fashion, Crunch made their way back on stage for a couple
of final tracks before leaving for the final time.

The record decks started up, and the crowd moved back up to the bar,
tired, but happy. A drink or two later and it was time to go. The
initial plans were for Matt Hall and myself to crash at Suggsylia's
place, but Erika (hope I've spelt that right!) who was planning to
get the 11pm coach back home had decided to stay on and crash at
Suggsylia's as well due to the drunken offerings from Matt. Matt
had kindly offered to drive Erika all the way from London to Bath
and then drive himself back home to Derby. Yes, he was mad, but he
had said he would do it and a severe nut-chewing would be in order
from Erika if he failed to make good on his word.

The four of us said our goodbyes and wandered out to get a taxi.
We eventually found someone who was happy to take us back to
Suggsylias and so we stepped in. Unfortunately at this point nice
and friendly Matt decided to take a turn and started telling the
driver how crap his car was and how the fare that we had been quoted
had nothing to do with the distance and was just invented to pay for
his deteriorating car. Thankfully the taxi driver didn't respond to
Matts insults and after some faffing around trying to persuade the
taxi driver that it was OK to accept our Scottish 5 pound note as
part payment we stumbled in through the door.

Once inside Suggsylia gave us explicit instructions not to make a
noise as her flatmate was asleep and had to get up for work in the
morning. Obviously this request was easier said than done because
we'd all had a bit too much to drink and the slightest thing set us
off laughing.

We finally managed to get to sleep at about 1:30 with Suggsylia in
her bed, me in a sleeping back on a mattress, Matt underneath a duvet
on a mattress, and Erika fully dressed on top of the mattress and
wearing her shoes!!!

And with that, our drink induced Crunch day was brought to a close.
It had been a long day, and for Matt and myself it was the first time
we had seen Crunch. Everything that I had been told about them was
true. They are a blummin cracking band, and I hope it's not too long
until I see them again.

Robert Hazelby

[6] - NAIL DOWN THE DAYS

Well, that's about it for this week.

Apologies if any of the issue seemed a little rushed, but with the
Crunch meet this weekend I've not had much time to put the issue
together.

Hopefully next issue we'll be able to feature a review of the latest
issue of that superb Madness fanzine, `Madness Unsugged`. Any chance
you could send me my copy, Vince?

As well as that, expect some further reviews of the Crunch gig and
the usual run-down of meet awards so you can see what some of the
more rowdy members of the online Madness community got up to.

Until then, take care, and if you have any material you feel would
be worth featuring in a future issue, please drop it my way.

All the best,

Robert Hazelby